–Ask the Scout - Alan Parham
8 August 2007
Question? How do I handle a coach who seems to be very hard on me all the time?
- Answer: This is a problem we hear often from high school athletes. There is no easy answer, so let’s examine a few causes and actions you might consider taking: Bad chemistry. Sometimes in athletics, just like in life, some people simply can’t get along. There seems to be bad chemistry between them. Regardless of how much each might be trying, they just rub each other the wrong way. If that’s the case, you have to figure out a way to get along during practices and games. Avoid worrying about whether or not the coach likes you. Focus on working hard and getting better every day.
Other pressures. In most cases, your coaches have a lot of other responsibilities and pressures away from the team. They are human, too, and coping with other issues can weigh heavily on them and can put them in a sour mood. If you recognize this happening, concentrate on your duties and do not take criticisms personally.
Style can get in the way. Most coaches mimic how they were coached when they were young and playing sports. And, regretfully, some of today’s coaches were mistreated as players by hard core coaches who verbally berated their players. It was their way of motivating players. This style of coaching could have been your coach’s model and it is the only way he or she knows how to communicate at practice or during a game. Do your best to look beyond the delivery method and hear the message the coach is trying to send you and the other players.
See it as a life lesson. Life will present you with all sorts of obstacles, one being coping with difficult people. Fighting back is the worst course of action. It only creates more problems and escalates the tension. Besides that, your coach can hold your future in his or her hands and causing problems, in the coach’s eyes, can come back to haunt you. Learning now how to work cooperatively and thrive in a tough environment will serve you well in years to come.
Know the difference between coaching and manhandling. We advocate doing your all to make a difficult situation better, to learn from these scenarios, and to focus on doing your best, but no kid (or parent) should ever allow a coach to physically manhandle or abuse them. Players should report any such incidents immediately to school administrators. When a coach loses control and starts to get physical with players (outside of teaching the fundamentals of the sport, which can be physically oriented at times), they are stepping over the line of what is reasonably expected or acceptable.
Communicating can clear the path. If a coach appears particularly and regularly hard on you, approach the coach and ask what you can do to get better, or if you are doing something that is making him or her mad at you. The key is to have this conversation during school hours, away from teammates, and out of earshot of anyone else. If you try to talk to the coach where others can listen in, you could make matters worse. The coach may think you are putting him or her on the spot and the response could be the opposite of what you are attempting to accomplish.
What can parents do? Parents, this is a great opportunity for your kid to begin learning how to deal with adversity head on instead of you coming to your child’s rescue. In the big picture, this is more of a real life learning experience than playing time or winning and losing. When those things have long past, your kid will still need the skills necessary to be a successful adult. Coach your kid on how to communicate openly and honestly with an adult as an adult and you will see him or her grow by leaps and bounds while gaining self confidence.
Alan Parham
Director of Scouting
Office: (828) 891-0091
Cell: (828) 216-2267
Fax: (704) 943-0822
NSR Home Office: (800) 354-0072
Web site: www.nsr-inc.com/carolinas
Alan Parham is the director of scouting in North Carolina for National Scouting Report, America’s premier high school scouting and recruiting service. He serves as the company’s regional manager advising scouts in Virginia, South Carolina, Tennessee and Georgia. His articles on high school and college recruiting have been featured in "Fastpitch Delivery," the monthly newspaper for the National Fastpitch Coaches Association, HighSchoolSports.net, and other regional and national publications. In 2006, Alan was selected as NSR’s envoy to Australia to evaluate and train scouts in that country. Beginning in 2007, he began serving as the company’s lead trainer and conducts quarterly training sessions in NSR’s Birmingham, Alabama, home office. Since 2003, his organization has assisted over 250 high school student-athletes from North Carolina and South Carolina in receiving offers from colleges, a figure that represents over 85% of their clients. His column, “Ask the Scout,” is featured monthly in PREPalert.com. He is a sought after speaker on the subject of college recruiting by booster clubs, athletic departments, civic clubs and travel team organizations. Alan can be reached at (828) 891-0091, (828) 216-2267 or at nsrcarolinas@aol.com for free athlete evaluations and consultations.
Alan Parham
NC & SC Executive Director
NC/SC/TN/GA/VA Reg. Mgr.
Office: (828) 891-0091
Cell: (828) 216-2267
Fax: (704) 943-0822
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